“I used to want…

“I used to want it all… Now I just want to pee alone.”

There are three things that really define me…

My kids- I have two incredible kids; my daughter TF is four and my son TR is one. TF is my mini-me; a spitting image of myself at age four (according to my mother). Not so easy on the ears, she is always singing, talking, or finding some other way to make noise. I think she is a closet Sedatephobist (fear of quiet). Her overactive imagination, bossy attitude, short temper, and her love for shopping are direct clues that she will end up being more like mom than dad. My son, TR, on the other hand, could be perfectly content if he were actually physically attached to his father somehow. Already, at one, he is way too cool and macho to be seen hugging mom in public. Unlike TF, his “I do it” attitude makes seemingly simple tasks difficult at times. I am a SAHM and babysitter by day and by night… well, TF thinks I’m the butler so we’ll go with that. I have the pleasure of babysitting my neice, CJ, and nephew, CS, while their parents are at work Monday through Friday. My days (and nights) are most often taken over with messy mouths and messy floors, but it is the daily kairos moments (http://momastery.com/blog/2012/01/04/2011-lesson-2-dont-carpe-diem/) that make it all worthwhile. (If you’ve never heard of the kairos moment, read this link. It changed my life).

The next factor in my life that really makes me, me is my ability (I say ability, but I really mean obsession) to live on a budget. Although I appreciate the finer things in life and I’ve often been known to splurge on fancy make up, jewelry, and purses, I definitely get a rush from everyday living on a budget. I like to consider bargain shopping my second job. I have this silly hope that there will be a small corner of heaven with a goodwill and discount grocery mart just for bargain shopping moms like myself. A few weeks ago TF actually said to me, “mom, can we go shopping?” When I replied “of course” she quickly countered me with “no mom, shopping at a real store… like a mall.” I’m guessing by this she meant something other than our usual goodwill or consignment shop splurges.

Finally, I feel I have always been defined by my weight. In and out of weight watcher meetings since High School, weight has always been a struggle for me. I’ve never been very athletic. In High School I played basketball because my girlfriends did and what else would I do for five months while they were at practice. In gym class, I was always the one still “jogging” (walking, but lifting my feet really high off the ground so the gym teacher thought I was making an effort to jog) the mile as the bell was ringing to switch classes. Through college my weight was up and down as I couldn’t decide if I wanted to be skinny or if I wanted to be one of those carefree eat whatever I want whenever I want kind of people. After college,my first pregnancy seemed like the most triumphant nine months of my life. I could eat anything I wanted and not feel judged by anyone because I was eating for two. Boy did I pay for that later. Six months after TF was born it was back on the weight watchers band wagon and finally, three years later I was possibly the lowest weight I’d ever been in my adult life. Finally, victory. A few months later when we found out we were expecting  TR, I promised myself I would exercise the through the entire pregnancy and not let myself gain the almost 70 pounds I packed on through my first pregnancy. I kept my promise and did in fact exercise religiously right up until the week I gave birth to TR, but thanks to my daily eating binges, I still ended up gaining nearly 50 lbs. Back at it again. TR is almost two and weight watchers helped me get considerably close to where I want to be. My hope is to get to my goal weight (about 15 lbs to go) and stay there for at least six months before we’re ready to start trying for baby #3. I recently resigned from weight watchers and jumped on the fitness pal bandwagon which is kind of the point of this blog… to hold myself accountable to anyone willing to read my nonsense. Since TR was born, I’ve taken up running (slow jogging??) and zumba. I love my new found athletic lifestyle. I feel energized and confident. Two feelings I wasn’t quite used to. I am a member at the local YMCA which allows me to free my mind for about an hour a day and think about nothing but myself (sounds selfish I know but for a while I had felt I lost myself in being a happily married wife and mom so this allows me a little bit of time each day to just be me) and my kiddos get to play in the playroom with some other kids their age so it’s a win-win. Last summer I competed in my first ever 5k and ended up winning third place. The part that I don’t willingly tell people is that this particular race had an Athena (a.k.a. hefty girl>>  women 150 lbs) category and that is the category in which I won my very first bronze medal…. And soo… here I am today, a year later still rocking my goodwill gymshorts and sportsbras, trying to lose the last few pounds.

A few other things you may be interested in knowing about me… I am a Christian who has a passion for kids ministry and PSU Alumni. I enjoy wine and chocolate, dark chocolate. I’m madly in love with my husband, TM, who is on the fence about whether he wants to be a hillbilly, biker dude, or a skater boy (we can talk more about that later). And I really do spend most of my time trying to delight in my children. Although there are definitely bumps in the road, I have a genuine love for my life and the people in it.